Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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