so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
