im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
