My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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