dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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