Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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