it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
