just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
third nipple confirmed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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