dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
