I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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