you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
