and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
