I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
