I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
did you just send me my own nude
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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