she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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