Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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