I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i have herpe
just one?
This house was built for laser tag.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
