this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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