hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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