i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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