just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
