The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
