Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
