And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
