I'm really into asian looking animals
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
