Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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