i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
