We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
