If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
