Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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