I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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