Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
