i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
