no. you can't hotbox the world.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
