The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
