well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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