I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
