Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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