your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
