About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
