you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
