I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
