matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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