Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
