Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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