Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
