I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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