When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
