Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
