its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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