Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
