Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
