I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
