I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
