Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
