The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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