the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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