You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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