why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
