Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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