btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
