I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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