but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
